I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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