i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
