Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
