So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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