matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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