Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
