Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
