I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
