well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
