Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
