i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want to make out with him forever
So apparently I’m into choking now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
