I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
