Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
