im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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