apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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