I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
