I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
