K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
