my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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