Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
