dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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