I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
