how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
