I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
