Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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