he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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