FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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