He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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