YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love having hate sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
