I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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