I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
