So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
