I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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