we have pet lesbian snakes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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