Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He better not be in your backpack
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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