you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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