im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
