I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
