and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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