11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
