I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
