True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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