he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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