just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
