According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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