i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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