You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's blow job season.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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