i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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