My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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