You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hippo gnu deer
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
