I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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