the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
