oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's shark week go big or go home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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