I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
