bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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