Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
