I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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