i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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