I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
