I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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