If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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