my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize