so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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