sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
