I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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