you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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