So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
