make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize