its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
