Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
