Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
