i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
