It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
